Three years ago tonight, the very first Kingston Derby Girls laced up their rollerskates at the Memorial Centre for the very first practice. Those first few months were a trial, with more injuries than we care to think about, and the slow dawning of the knowledge that no one in Kingston actually knew how to play roller derby.

How far we have come in just three years, baby!

These days, our newest players understand the game far better than our most knowledgeable players did then. Many of those now-veteran skaters are still with us, and many talented new skaters have joined us along the way. We now have three amazing, skillful teams competing with each other and other teams across the province and internationally, and we are exploring the possibility of applying to become a WFTDA league to compete at an even higher level. We skate safe and we skate strong. We have players who have showcased KDG’s awesomeness at the Ontario Roller Derby Skills Competition, we have earned the respect of the Derby Nerd, and this season we’re playing against such formidable opponents as this past weekend’s Beast of the East champions, the Slaughter Daughters. The Kingston Derby Girls are on the Canadian roller derby map and our star continues to rise. We do not apologize for the mixed metaphors. Happy, happy birthday to Kingston’s first and greatest roller derby league; long may KDG continue to grow and thrive.

Saturday, May 4th, 2013, marks the start of the fourth season of roller derby in Kingston! Doors open at 5:30 p.m. and the whistle blows at 6:30 at the Memorial Centre (303 York Street). This action-packed double header starts off with KDG’s Disloyalists taking on Toronto’s GTARollergirls’ G-Stars. The Disloyalists haven’t met the girls from GTAR since the end of our second season, when a hard-fought battle ended with a final score of 108-102 for the girls from the T-Dot. This year’s Disloyalists are fiercer than ever, with two new drafts from the Rogue Warriors, AmandaTory Sentence and Box Punch, and transfer skater from Rideau Valley Roller Girls, Bones, not to mention another season’s experience under their belts. Will it be enough to conquer the GTAR all-star team? Come to the game to find out!

The second game in this double header will see last year’s house champions, the Rogue Warriors, take on their hometown rivals the Skateful Dead. Last season ended in an edge-of-your-seat overtime jam in a penalty-packed game that just barely saw the Golden Boot land in the Rogues’ hands, but with two former Rogues now drafted to the Disloyalists and pile of talented (but untested) fresh meat packing the Dead roster, who will have the upper hand this season? This game is not one to be missed!

Win prizes at halftime! Enjoy the music of amazing surf/punk/power pop band Teenage Frankenstein! Hang out in the bleachers or the trackside beer garden (!) or bring your own chair for trackside seating up close to the action in the “suicide seats.” This bout is licensed and there will be food and beer, all courtesy of The Mansion. Follow us to that same bar for the afterparty — don’t miss your chance to party with the derby girls.

Tickets are $10 in advance and $15 at the door (kids 10 and under are, as always, free). Buy your tickets online — you don’t even have to stand up or put on pants! Or if you’re out and about (pants recommended) you can get your tickets at The Mansion, at the UPS Store downtown or in the west end, at Novel Idea, at Blossoms Kingston, or at Get Funky Boutique. For a derby experience you won’t soon forget, you might also consider getting some friends together to buy yourselves a fancypants VIP table to sit trackside and have your beer and food brought to you. Contact the fine people of our sponsorship team to find out more about VIP tables.

Huge derby fan? We know you are. It’s not too late to buy yourself some season tickets and make sure you don’t miss a second of the best roller derby season in Kingston yet.

Want to know when else we’re playing in Kingston? Check out our Bout Schedule, yo!

May the Fourth be with you indeed, friends. See you soon!

This is a guest Post by Rogue Warrior captains Kimminent Danger and Flaming Hips.

Years ago, and for reasons long forgotten, women in rollerskates and derby gear went to battle, touching off a fury which fuelled them all. Only those fast enough to jam or brutal enough to block would survive. In this maelstrom of decay, women were battered and smashed. Twenty women wandered out into the wasteland. It was here in this blighted place that we learned to live again. As Rogue Warriors.

With one full, successful year of roller derby behind us, and as champions of the Kingston Derby Girls’ 2012 Battle of the Boot, your favourite post-apocalyptic derby girls are carrying the torch of dystopian heroism into the next season. We have searched the shadows of the former world for formidable opponents, and proudly present the Rogue Warrior 2013 Bout Schedule:

May 4 – vs. Skateful Dead @ Kingston
June 8 – vs. Area 705 @ Kingston
June 22 – vs. Durham Region Roller Derby @ Durham
Aug. 17 – vs. Derby Debutantes @ Toronto
Sept. 7 – vs. Skateful Dead @ Kingston
Oct. 5 – “Dead Rogues” combo team vs. Bombshell Battalion @ Alliston

Simultaneously fighting the challenges of mass global destruction and gangs of angry girls on rollerskates, your Rogue Warriors are juking and sternum-blocking their way through the dust clouds to bring you a season of incredible roller derby. Having loved and lost three fantastic players at the end of last season (Amandatory Sentence and Box Punch to the Disloyalists, and Bad Princess to Durham), this powerful mob of twenty amazing women have strapped on their yellow goggles to form the 2013 roster, which includes three fresh meat, two transfer players, and fifteen veteran Rogue skaters:

Zesty Enterprise
Lusty B. Fearsome
eff ewe (formerly Cabin Fever)
Veggie Smash
Violet Von Tramp
Nikki Heat
Smashley
Fate Tempter
Dandylion
Frieda Frankenstorm (Disloyalist transfer)
Princess Rednek (Peterborough transfer)
Deus ex Smashin’ Ya
Kamiquadzi
Cat O’Clysm
Tinker Ring’r Bell
Impatience (formerly Incarcerator)
Little Tank
Bluestocking
Kimminent Danger (Co-captain)
Flaming Hips (Co-captain)

This inspirational lineup of fierce and feisty women won’t be navigating the chaos of the track alone; the Rogue Warriors are pleased to be whipped into shape by our two fearless coaches again this season: Glitterbomb and Reba Smackintire. Armed with lethal skills in statistical analysis, strategy, and physical fitness, these coaches will not rest until they’ve drained every last ounce of hope from the hearts of all derby girls who cross their path.

With two months of off-skate training, rules school, a fitness challenge, and killer karaoke, we have recently hit the track with renewed vengeance and vigor to whip, check, juke, hit, and skate our way to victory. We join our favourite allies and archenemies, the Skateful Dead, along with our beloved derby sisters, the Disloyalists, in training at Queen’s University for the next couple of months. In April, we come home to the Memorial Centre just in time to play our first bout, on May 4th against the Dead.

Though there will be challenges, not the least of which will be learning to play under the new WFTDA rule set, your 2013 Rogue Warriors vow to bring audiences to their feet and opponents to their knees.

Gas masks and derby love,
Hips and Danger

A new addition to the Rogue Warriors, Bluestocking, recently finished an amazing half hour radio documentary about roller derby in Kingston.

The piece was originally broadcast on CFRC for International Women’s Day celebrations. Check it out — what a fantastic way to get excited about another amazing KDG season!!

This is a guest Post by the Skateful Dead’s Boney L’Ass.

My fellow Deadheads,

From the depths of the grave to the mean streets of Kingston, I bring you a message of unity, of solidarity, of hope. This is your call to action and my DEMAND for your dedication to your duty as proud members of the Dead Army toward our ultimate and total roller derby victory.

The signs of a second coming are upon us. Rising to our ranks from the gruelling caste of Fresh Meat Camp come eight dead women of vicious calibre. The Skateful Dead welcome their kinsmen with open arms: CM Tower, Frigger Skater, Jin & Toxic, Revengineer, Sandra Deevious, Saragorn, Xela, and their leader, Dyke Spice.

The Skateful Dead remember their fallen comrades: KinderSurpriseYa, Smackinnon, No Pity Venditti, and Sir John Eh Smackdonald. Fellow Derby warrior (B)lackey(E) is fighting the good fight with our sisters-in-arms, the Chicks Ahoy. We laud our relentless former captain, Coop du Jour (formerly Coop de Loop) and power blocker Booty on Duty, who, after this time of rest, will rejoin our ranks next year. It is their ground work, fallen comrades, transfers, and recoverees alike, that has brought us to this glorious moment in history.

We are led into battle by our fearless captains, Newey and Improved and Polly Slamory. Both are notable blockers and pivots who have proven their worth on the track in years past. They are sure to help us overcome any opposition.

Your Deadly Red’s vanguard of heroic blockers has donned their pads and lie in wait. Timbit has perfected her art of appearing for a hit from the mist. Amanda SlugNKiss returns from the depths of the Amazon with new skills and focus. No enemy dare pass WD Forte, whose speed and hits leave victims to slip. Half-women-half-skeleton and former captain Careless Whips-Her remains one of the great pivots of the Skateful with a razor-sharp eye for plays. We also welcome back Knit Whip (formerly 4 Wheel Drive), who has overcome all odds for her love of the cause. Derby Girls of the Vanguard, we salute you!

Let us not forget our small but sure-footed jammers. League founder and creator of our cause Skate at Home Mom remains ever tireless. The unstoppable, unblockable TyKnee Smasher skates again. Also, your humble speaker, Boney L’Ass, will continue to skate for your love. Onward, past resistance, we skate.

Breaking free of the shackles of death, we skate for you, Deadheads. Rise up from your chairs, lift your voices, and cheer on your champions! We are the SKATEFUL DEAD, and we will not rest until VICTORY is upon us!

Stay tuned to our Facebook Page, Deadheads, for information on Skaters, Bouts, Events, and our next step in TOTAL DERBY DOMINATION!

- B L’A

[Ed. note: Check out the Disloyalists' Season Preview by Little Orphan Maker Annie. Coming soon: The Rogue Warriors!]

The time has finally come! The Kingston Derby Girls have been oiling their bearings and sharpening their elbows* in preparation for the 2013 season. And tonight at long last they will be lacing up their rollerskates for the first time this calendar year. Derby practices start TONIGHT in Kingston!

* Not really. Even in the new ruleset, elbows are illegal in derby.

This is a guest post by (now former) Disloyalist captain Little Orphan-Maker Annie.

The Disloyalists are getting pumped for our third season on the competitive roller derby circuit. With some challenging games lined up, it’s sure to be a great season. We’ve added some new faces to our roster and have been studying the new rules and thinking about some strategies we can use with them.

At home this year you’ll see us in a match against New York State’s Port City Roller Derby, as well as the Luscious Lunch Ladies, who trounced us just a few short months ago in their hometown of London. Our away games have us up against RVRG’s Riot Squad again, Capital City’s's Dolly Rogers, Alliston’s Misfit Militia and the G-Stars from Greater Toronto Roller Derby.

New players you’ll see on the Disloyalist roster this year include AmandaTory Sentence, a power blocker who we drafted from the Rogue Warriors. Leaving a trail of glitter and bruises is the amazing Box Punch, also a former Rogue. With a not-quite-full roster, we were elated to have an experienced jammer transfer to us from Rideau Valley Roller Girls. Bones has the skill and smile to blend right in with our team. So, a super-huge welcome to our three new additions. We’re so excited to see where this season takes us.

We’ve had to say goodbye to some teammates in 2012. Viva Long Legas has moved out west to get some more letters added after her name. Magpie went into retirement and so did Yo! Shanity Slam. Johnston transferred to Rideau Valley and Frieda Frankenstorm took a leave last season and is returning to play on her sister Dandylion‘s team, the Rogue Warriors. I can’t wait to see these sisters tear up the track together. After last season’s nail-biting overtime final-jam end to the home championship, the rivalry between the Rogue Warriors and the Skateful Dead is going to continue this season. We know we won’t miss a game; you shouldn’t either.

As for me, I’ve taken a step back to avoid the ominous derby burnout that I felt coming. I hosted a team meeting and Rule School this past weekend and replacing me as co-captain this year is Banger Management. As an old gal, I am happy to pass off my captainship to a younger player who is going to be around much longer than I will. She and Angel’a Misfortune will make a fantastic duo and their positive attitudes and game knowledge will help lead our team in what is sure to be our most challenging season yet.

So cheers to our new team, new captains, new rules, and a new season of roller derby in Kingston!

- LOMA

The votes are in, the dust has settled, the draft is over: your 2012-13 Kingston Derby Girls have been chosen! Congratulations and welcome to all the former fresh meat who passed their skills tests and have now been drafted to teams. New faces, new talent, and a whole new world of roller derby in this city. Next season is going to be better than anything you’ve seen before, Kingston — I hope you’re ready for it.

Your 2012-13 Disloyalists:
Vagina Dentata
Jamburglar
Ker-Osene
LaVallee of the Dolls
Angel’a Misfortune
Little Orphan-Maker Annie
Luci Fleur
Manic Breeze
Banger Management
Mr. Kristi
Queen Blitz
Bones (transferring from Rideau Valley Roller Girls)
Box Punch (drafted from the Rogue Warriors)
AmandaTory Sentence (drafted from the Rogue Warriors)

Your 2012-13 Rogue Warriors:
Nikki Heat
Eff Ewe (formerly Cabin Fever)
Lusty B Fearsome
Dandylion
Violet Von Tramp
Zesty Enterprise
Cat O’Clysm
Tinker Ring’r Bell
Little Tank
Fate Tempter
Incarcerator
Kamiquadzi
Kimminent Danger
Flaming Hips
Princess RedNek (transferring from Peterborough Roller Derby)
Frieda Frankenstorm (transferring from the Disloyalists)
Bluestocking (former KDG official)
Deus ex Smashin’ Ya (drafted from Fresh Meat)
Emily (drafted from Fresh Meat, still working on a derby name)
Ashley (drafted from Fresh Meat, still working on a derby name)
Reba Smackintire (Coach)
Glitter Bomb (Coach)

Your 2012-13 Skateful Dead:
Polly Slamory
Careless Whips-her
Timbit
Coop de Loop
Booty on Duty
4 Wheel Drive
KinderSurpriseYa!
TyKnee Smasher
Boney L’Ass
Newey & Improved
WD Forte
Smackinnon
No Pity Venditti
Amanda SlugNKiss
Skate at Home Mom
Frigger Skater (drafted from Fresh Meat)
Saragorn (drafted from Fresh Meat)
CM Tower (drafted from Fresh Meat)
Dyke Spice (drafted from Fresh Meat)
Andrea (drafted from Fresh Meat, still working on a derby name)
Kim (drafted from Fresh Meat, still working on a derby name)
Alex (drafted from Fresh Meat, still working on a derby name)
Zoe (drafted from Fresh Meat, still working on a derby name)

Last night, our fresh meat became a whole lot less fresh by passing their minimum skills test, clearing them for contact on the flat track! These twelve fierce women will soon be drafted to one of our three amazing teams, and you’ll be seeing them play next season. We are SO excited to get to know the newest Kingston Derby Girls! WELCOME!

This is a guest post by Disloyalist triple threat Manic Breeze.

On Sunday night, Banger Management and I arrived at the Ancaster Fairground outside of Hamilton for the first ever Ontario Skills Competition, put on by Rollerbug and Los Coños Roller Derby of Hamilton. We were full of anticipation as we put on our gear and looked around the track to size up our competition.
A plethora of fine, powerful womyn were there to represent eight leagues and fourteen teams, including (to my fear and excitement) Motorhead Molly and Killson, who both played for Team Canada in the Roller Derby World Cup in 2011. Other names were new to me, and now I can add Sofanda Beatin’ (Vicious Dishes) and Bruiseberry Pie (CN Power) to the list of womyn who dazzle and terrify me. There were 28 skaters total, one jammer and one pivot per team.
There were five events to determine which league would come away with the coveted golden peach, symbolizing the best roller derby skills in Ontario! Check out the video here to see the events explained in greater detail.
Only one player could represent her team for each of four events: a one-lap sprint, a five-lap full-contact sprint, a scrum start competition, and an obstacle course. All 28 skaters at the competition got to participate in the final showdown, a last-woman-standing event. Banger Management and I had talked about dividing the events according to our skill sets, but the event planners threw a wrench in our plans by having us draw straws to see whether the jammer or pivot would represent in the scrum start event. Unfortunately for us, we drew the jammer straw, and I lost by a hair, trying to get past four phenomenal blockers in 20 seconds. This meant, for us, that Banger would compete in the obstacle course.
In the end, it was great that the fateful straw was pulled to put me in the scrum start contest, leaving Banger to work some magic among the obstacles. There were fourteen skaters, each representing a team, who competed one-on-one, working against the clock to move on to the next round. The biggest issue skaters had in this event was control. Skaters were moving frantically to keep their speed up. As soon as they messed up one obstacle (if you knocked a bar down as you jumped it, you had to reset the bar and re-do the jump), they lost a lot of time. They could only make up their time if their opponent made a similar mistake. Banger moved fluidly through each round, with careful control and determination, and a solid display of jumping, diving, weaving, and hitting skills. It was a beautiful thing to watch! She came out on top in this event, winning our team 50 points! Banger, you are a proficient athlete and you made me so proud to be on your team!
Banger also competed in the five-lap full-contact sprint, making it through the first 2 rounds, and scoring us 20 points.
I competed for the Disloyalists in the one-lap sprint. There were 14 jammers skating in this contest, and I looked around at the experienced, long-legged, and muscular womyn around me and laughed inwardly, reminding myself that that I was here for fun. To my amazement, I beat the first jammer I was against…and then the second…and the third, and suddenly everyone else had been eliminated besides me and Killson! What? I was in the finals!? We raced, and the refs didn’t know who crossed their line first. So we lined up again, and I took some deep breaths, and stared the ref down, steadying myself with the thought that I was going to make my win obvious to him this time. The room seemed deadly quiet and I was in some sort of elevated state as the whistle blew. I pushed myself, lactic acid flooding my leg muscles — I won! 50 more points for the Disloyalists!
The final event included all 28 skaters, and the teams played strategically, working with their partner (and sometimes creating alliances with their whole league), avoiding hits, steering clear of catastrophes like the one Banger and I got eliminated in (at the exact same moment, we both fell!). Three full songs played as the numbers dwindled. The Total Knock-Outs took the win in this event, with both skaters remaining standing after all the other teams had fallen.
All in all, we came in third place at 120 points. It was an honour to compete against these adroit and talented skaters, and to get to represent KDG in this thrilling Skills Competition! Big ups to the Venus Fly Tramps, who took the victory at 160 points.

- Manic