This is a guest Post by the Skateful Dead’s Boney L’Ass.
My fellow Deadheads,
From the depths of the grave to the mean streets of Kingston, I bring you a message of unity, of solidarity, of hope. This is your call to action and my DEMAND for your dedication to your duty as proud members of the Dead Army toward our ultimate and total roller derby victory.
The signs of a second coming are upon us. Rising to our ranks from the gruelling caste of Fresh Meat Camp come eight dead women of vicious calibre. The Skateful Dead welcome their kinsmen with open arms: CM Tower, Frigger Skater, Jin & Toxic, Revengineer, Sandra Deevious, Saragorn, Xela, and their leader, Dyke Spice.
The Skateful Dead remember their fallen comrades: KinderSurpriseYa, Smackinnon, No Pity Venditti, and Sir John Eh Smackdonald. Fellow Derby warrior (B)lackey(E) is fighting the good fight with our sisters-in-arms, the Chicks Ahoy. We laud our relentless former captain, Coop du Jour (formerly Coop de Loop) and power blocker Booty on Duty, who, after this time of rest, will rejoin our ranks next year. It is their ground work, fallen comrades, transfers, and recoverees alike, that has brought us to this glorious moment in history.
We are led into battle by our fearless captains, Newey and Improved and Polly Slamory. Both are notable blockers and pivots who have proven their worth on the track in years past. They are sure to help us overcome any opposition.
Your Deadly Red’s vanguard of heroic blockers has donned their pads and lie in wait. Timbit has perfected her art of appearing for a hit from the mist. Amanda SlugNKiss returns from the depths of the Amazon with new skills and focus. No enemy dare pass WD Forte, whose speed and hits leave victims to slip. Half-women-half-skeleton and former captain Careless Whips-Her remains one of the great pivots of the Skateful with a razor-sharp eye for plays. We also welcome back Knit Whip (formerly 4 Wheel Drive), who has overcome all odds for her love of the cause. Derby Girls of the Vanguard, we salute you!
Let us not forget our small but sure-footed jammers. League founder and creator of our cause Skate at Home Mom remains ever tireless. The unstoppable, unblockable TyKnee Smasher skates again. Also, your humble speaker, Boney L’Ass, will continue to skate for your love. Onward, past resistance, we skate.
Breaking free of the shackles of death, we skate for you, Deadheads. Rise up from your chairs, lift your voices, and cheer on your champions! We are the SKATEFUL DEAD, and we will not rest until VICTORY is upon us!
Stay tuned to our Facebook Page, Deadheads, for information on Skaters, Bouts, Events, and our next step in TOTAL DERBY DOMINATION!
- B L’A
[Ed. note: Check out the Disloyalists' Season Preview by Little Orphan Maker Annie. Coming soon: The Rogue Warriors!]