Seriously, I mean, have you SEEN it?

No?

Well, why not? It’s right here on our Events page.

Seriously? You’re too lazy to click the link? Fine. I’ll put the bout schedule here. Now I know you want to mark all these on your calendar. Don’t miss a second of Kingston Derby Girls’ fourth action-packed season! With three teams playing all over the province and internationally, this is going to be our best season yet! Come out and support your Kingston Disloyalists, Rogue Warriors, and Skateful Dead!

2013 HOME GAMES
(All home games take place at Kingston’s Memorial Centre)
May 4: Season opener! Skateful Dead vs. Rogue Warriors and Disloyalists vs. GTARollergirls’ GSTARS (Toronto, ON)
June 8: Rogue Warriors vs. Area 705 Roller Derby (Peterborough, ON)
July 13: Disloyalists vs. Port City Roller Derby (Oswego, NY)
August 10: The Skateful Dead vs. Bombshell Battalion (Alliston, ON)
September 7: Season closer: Back to Cruel 4! Skateful Dead vs. Rogue Warriors and Disloyalists vs. Forest City Derby Girls (London, ON)

2013 AWAY GAMES
May 25: Disloyalists vs. Rideau Valley’s Slaughter Daughters (in Ottawa, ON)
June 22: Rogue Warriors and Skateful Dead vs. Durham Region Roller Derby (in Oshawa, ON)
July 6: Disloyalists vs. Dolly Rogers (in Ottawa, ON)
July 20: Skateful Dead vs. Black River Roller Derby (in Watertown, NY)
Aug 17: Rogue Warriors vs. GTAR’s Derby Debutantes (in Toronto, ON)
Oct. 4: Dead Rogues (mixed team) vs. Bombshell Battalion and Disloyalists vs. Misfit Militia (in Alliston, ON)

This is a guest post by Disloyalist triple threat Manic Breeze.

On Sunday night, Banger Management and I arrived at the Ancaster Fairground outside of Hamilton for the first ever Ontario Skills Competition, put on by Rollerbug and Los Coños Roller Derby of Hamilton. We were full of anticipation as we put on our gear and looked around the track to size up our competition.
A plethora of fine, powerful womyn were there to represent eight leagues and fourteen teams, including (to my fear and excitement) Motorhead Molly and Killson, who both played for Team Canada in the Roller Derby World Cup in 2011. Other names were new to me, and now I can add Sofanda Beatin’ (Vicious Dishes) and Bruiseberry Pie (CN Power) to the list of womyn who dazzle and terrify me. There were 28 skaters total, one jammer and one pivot per team.
There were five events to determine which league would come away with the coveted golden peach, symbolizing the best roller derby skills in Ontario! Check out the video here to see the events explained in greater detail.
Only one player could represent her team for each of four events: a one-lap sprint, a five-lap full-contact sprint, a scrum start competition, and an obstacle course. All 28 skaters at the competition got to participate in the final showdown, a last-woman-standing event. Banger Management and I had talked about dividing the events according to our skill sets, but the event planners threw a wrench in our plans by having us draw straws to see whether the jammer or pivot would represent in the scrum start event. Unfortunately for us, we drew the jammer straw, and I lost by a hair, trying to get past four phenomenal blockers in 20 seconds. This meant, for us, that Banger would compete in the obstacle course.
In the end, it was great that the fateful straw was pulled to put me in the scrum start contest, leaving Banger to work some magic among the obstacles. There were fourteen skaters, each representing a team, who competed one-on-one, working against the clock to move on to the next round. The biggest issue skaters had in this event was control. Skaters were moving frantically to keep their speed up. As soon as they messed up one obstacle (if you knocked a bar down as you jumped it, you had to reset the bar and re-do the jump), they lost a lot of time. They could only make up their time if their opponent made a similar mistake. Banger moved fluidly through each round, with careful control and determination, and a solid display of jumping, diving, weaving, and hitting skills. It was a beautiful thing to watch! She came out on top in this event, winning our team 50 points! Banger, you are a proficient athlete and you made me so proud to be on your team!
Banger also competed in the five-lap full-contact sprint, making it through the first 2 rounds, and scoring us 20 points.
I competed for the Disloyalists in the one-lap sprint. There were 14 jammers skating in this contest, and I looked around at the experienced, long-legged, and muscular womyn around me and laughed inwardly, reminding myself that that I was here for fun. To my amazement, I beat the first jammer I was against…and then the second…and the third, and suddenly everyone else had been eliminated besides me and Killson! What? I was in the finals!? We raced, and the refs didn’t know who crossed their line first. So we lined up again, and I took some deep breaths, and stared the ref down, steadying myself with the thought that I was going to make my win obvious to him this time. The room seemed deadly quiet and I was in some sort of elevated state as the whistle blew. I pushed myself, lactic acid flooding my leg muscles — I won! 50 more points for the Disloyalists!
The final event included all 28 skaters, and the teams played strategically, working with their partner (and sometimes creating alliances with their whole league), avoiding hits, steering clear of catastrophes like the one Banger and I got eliminated in (at the exact same moment, we both fell!). Three full songs played as the numbers dwindled. The Total Knock-Outs took the win in this event, with both skaters remaining standing after all the other teams had fallen.
All in all, we came in third place at 120 points. It was an honour to compete against these adroit and talented skaters, and to get to represent KDG in this thrilling Skills Competition! Big ups to the Venus Fly Tramps, who took the victory at 160 points.

- Manic

The competition was fierce at the first ever Ontario Roller Derby Skills Competition, hosted by Los Coños Roller Derby. Some of the top teams in Canada competed on Sunday, from ToRD’s CN Power to the Hammer City Eh! Team to Tri-City. Teams sent one pivot and one jammer to take on pivots and jammers from all over Ontario in skills competitions from scrum starts to obstacle courses. Representing Kingston Derby Girls’ Disloyalists were Manic Breeze and Banger Management. KDG was excited to be invited to such an all-star event and stoked to send two of our favourites, but did not expect the amazing success they accomplished: Banger won the obstacle course, Manic won the single lap sprint event, and in an astonishing coup, together this force of awesomeness took third place overall! Manic will be posting a recap of the event from her perspective shortly, but in the meantime, we stand in awe of their accomplishment — AMAZING job, Banger and Manic! We couldn’t be prouder of you both!

Just the facts please:
Back to Cruel III is the Kingston Derby Girls’ final, biggest, and best home bout of the year, this Saturday, September 8, at the Memorial Centre (303 York Street). Doors open at 5:30 and the whistle blows at 6:30. The first bout in this action-packed doubleheader is the league championship game, the Battle for the Boot, with the Skateful Dead facing off against the Rogue Warriors, and the second game features KDG’s Disloyalists taking on Toronto Roller Derby’s Deadly Viper Assassination Squad, the D-VAS. Enjoy a trackside beer garden and a great musical halftime show, and follow us to the Mansion for the afterparty, featuring the unforgettable Krista Muir.

What to expect
The first bout is an exciting rematch between our two home teams. The Rogue Warriors have taken the win the last two times these teams met, but the Skateful Dead’s rookie skaters have left their rookie-ness behind them and the team will be playing with a fuller roster than in previous games — both teams won their last games easily (the Rogues against Peterborough’s Jamazons and the Skateful Dead against CCDD) and both are out for league dominance in this Battle for the Boot. At stake, in addition to bragging rights, are the prized gold and silver rollerskate trophies created for the very first Back to Cruel in 2010, the first Kingston Derby Girls bout ever, which set a new Canadian roller derby attendance record that we hope to smash tomorrow.

The Rogue Warriors have made it clear they are looking for a win and are ready to take on Skateful Dead for the Boot. With so much talent on the bench, the Rogue Warriors have been an exciting team to watch grow and develop over the season. Power blockers AmandaTory Sentence, Cat O’Clysm, Box Punch, Flaming Hips, and Bad Princess, and double-/triple-threats Kimminent Danger, Nikki Heat, and Zesty Enterprise will be bringing their mad derby skills to the track. This team’s fierce determination and bench of versatile players has brought them three strong wins this season and made even their losses look like victories.

The Skateful Dead are coming into the championships in second place. However, with new faces on their roster, the Dead have more energy and vitality than a kid hopped up on candy floss at the fall fair. No-longer-so-rookie jammers Tyknee Smasher, Boney L’Ass, and (B)lackey(E) have proven themselves to be not only fiesty but also persistent and talented at getting through the pack. Rounding out the roster are talented veteran jammer/blockers Booty on Duty, Coop de Loop, and Skate at Home Mom, along with the always solid Polly Slamory. With two losses to the Rogue Warriors this season, the Skateful Dead may be coming from behind, but they are fighting and deking their way through with flare, gumption, and killer dance moves.

After the dust has settled and the league champion team has hoisted the golden boot above their heads, we will see the Toronto Roller Derby’s D-VAS take on the “dominant” (in the words of the Derby Nerd himself) Disloyalists. The Disloyalists beat the D-VAS the last time these two teams met, in Toronto’s famed Hangar, but the D-VAS have taken on some talented new transfer skaters and honed their skills, taking third place in the annual “Fresh and Furious” tournament against fourteen other teams — they’re driving in to Kingston with a win in mind. In addition to the usual Disloyalist jammer crowd favourites like LaVallee of the Dolls, Manic Breeze, and Luci Fleur, you’ll want to watch for team captains Little Orphan-Maker Annie and Angel’a Misfortune, and talented pivot Banger Management, as well as Magpie in her final KDG match — sadly, this talented, veteran jammer/blocker has recently announced her retirement. In fact, I can’t choose which Disloyalists you should look out for — they’re all pretty stellar.

Back to Cruel III features a special guest announcer, as well; we’re excited to welcome the Derby Nerd to the Limestone City. Toronto’s Derby Nerd is a Canadian roller derby icon as well as one of the leading national experts in the game. He will be on the sidelines with our usual amazing announcers, Dr. Sneaks and Jenny Juggs.

Even the reffing crew is all-star for this bout; under the leadership of KDG head ref Fraud Flintstone, and alongside our own Miss Buster and Manaconda, you’ll see penalties called by Chronic Master-Nate-Or, Scarie Antoinette, and Motorhead from the Rideau Valley Roller Girls as well as Toronto Roller Derby’s Harassin’ Ford and Reff’n Adorabelle.

This is your last chance this year to see the Kingston Derby Girls play in town: the biggest, the best, the most exciting bout of the season! Buy your tickets before they’re gone!

Doors open at 5:30. Tickets are $10 for adults in advance (before noon Saturday) at the Mansion, Get Funky, UPS, Novel Idea, Eat a Peach, Blossoms Kingston, or online. $15 at the door. Kids 10 and under are FREE.

All right, this is just getting ridiculous. There are so many ways to win tickets to our amazing final home bout of the season, Back to Cruel III at the Memorial Centre this Saturday, that you can’t possibly be expected to keep them all straight. But we want you to win these tickets. So here are ten ways you can be sitting in the suicide seats FREE on Saturday, front and centre for the biggest and best roller derby bout of the year.

(1) Watch our Facebook and Twitter feeds, where we will be giving away tickets right up until bout day!

(2) Listen to 98.9 The Drive tomorrow at 8:25. LaVallee of the Dolls will be jumping over Jenn-O live on the air, and Reid has got tickets to give away.

(3) Enter the contests in-store at Novel Idea or Minotaur downtown.

(4) Head over to Get Funky Boutique’s Facebook page, where you can win tickets by sharing your most memorable — or embarrassing — back to school outfit.

(5) Be at the Queen’s University sidewalk sale tomorrow, where derby girls will be skating and in the crowd all day, and giving away lots of tickets.

(6) Check out Sportsgate Kingston’s Facebook page — they’ve got tickets to give away if you can name the derby girls in their photos. (The Sportsgate contests are over! Both pairs of tickets were won within minutes. Congratulations to the winners!)

(7) Visit Kingstonist to participate in their ticket giveaway. They’ve got two pairs to give away and you can enter up to three times!

(8) Listen to CFRC 101.9 FM’s Indie Wake-up Call from 8-10 a.m. Thursday and Friday mornings to win one of their pairs of tickets.

(9) Kingston Life is giving away tickets here! (Whoops, those are gone already. Congrats to the winners!)

(10) Never been to a derby bout? Ask a derby girl how you can get your hands on some tickets.

Get out there and win your tickets! The countdown is on, and it’s just two more sleeps until the biggest roller derby event of the year. See you at Back to Cruel III!

We never get tired of giving away bout tickets, especially not for our season ender, Back to Cruel III, September 8 at the Memorial Centre. This week we’re giving away more tickets than we ever have before, so it’s easier than it’s ever been to win. As always, there are contests going on all week on Facebook and Twitter. But you can also win by heading over to Novel Idea or Minotaur downtown to enter the contests there — they’re across the street from each other so you can double your chances by entering at both stores. OR you can win without even leaving your computer over with our good friends over at Kingstonist, where they’re giving away two sets of tickets. You can enter up to three times, so that’s pretty sweet. Really, you’ve got an awful lots of chances to win here. Good luck!

UPDATE: Another contest! Head over to Get Funky’s Facebook page to enter to win there!

Tickets are selling fast to our final — and biggest — home bout this year, season closer Back to Cruel III at the Memorial Centre Saturday, September 8. We are endeavouring to break the Canadian roller derby attendance record we set at the first Back to Cruel in 2010 — come be a part of roller derby history!

We’re also giving away tickets left, right, and centre — it’s ridiculously easy to win yourself a pair! But how, you ask? Well, there are contests going on nonstop over at our Facebook page and our Twitter feed, or you can tune into The Drive or FlyFM, who will be giving away tickets this week, or you can stop in at Novel Idea downtown starting Monday to enter to win a pair of tickets there. There are more contests to come! We’ll keep you posted with all the details, so keep your eye on this page.

Too lazy? Don’t like winning? No problem! You can buy tickets for Back to Cruel III here!

That’s right, we’re already thinking about our 2013 season AND giving away tickets — this is your chance to win one of two pairs of 2013 Kingston Derby Girls season tickets, which will get you in to every one of our home bouts next year. Sound like something you might want? It’s super easy to win. All you have to do is fill out our survey and you will be entered to WIN!

Do you have your tickets yet for Dead Reckoning? August 18 is the second-last KDG home bout of the season; don’t miss this chance to watch the Skateful Dead square off against the Capital City Derby Dolls from Ottawa.

Coach John Eh Smackdonald and co-captains Polly Slamory and Careless Whips-her have been working these undead roller derby warriors hard all season and this is their chance to shine. New jammer talent such as TyKnee Smasher, (B)Lackey(E), and Boney L’Ass will be lining up on the jammer line, protected by powerful blockers including Newey and Improved, Booty on Duty, and Coop de Loop. Capital City’s all-star travel team beat the Rogue Warriors earlier this season. Can the Skateful Dead avenge the loss? We’ve seen these girls skate, and we think they can!

Doors open at 5:30, and the whistle blows at 6:30.

Tickets are $10 in advance and at the door. Kids 10 & under get in free. Get your tickets online or at The Mansion, Get Funky, Novel Idea, UPS, Blossoms Kingston, and Eat a Peach. As always, enjoy the trackside beer garden and food options.

This is a floor-only bout and tickets are limited. Get yours early to avoid disappointment! And bring a chair to get nice and close to the action.

Follow us to the Mansion for our after party Three floors, music, patio, and hops-and-barley-infused beach volleyball with derby girls, anyone? Yes please! Not to mention our amazing afterparty band, Treebot — a livetronica collective that creates improvised soundscapes/sonic journeys/throbbing dance music using both acoustic and electronic instruments. “The excitement of Treebot is that our music is 100% improvised live and in the moment, and our goal is to move bodies, minds and souls.” Like a derby bout, Treebot is an experience not to be missed!

Check us out on Facebook and Twitter and keep your ear glued to the radio to win your tickets!

August 18 is the Day of the Dead. Be there.

The Kingston Derby Girls are hitting the streets this Saturday for the Princess Street Promenade. We will be skating, selling tickets to the last two home bouts of the season (!), showing off some crazy moves, and talking up our upcoming Fresh Meat camp. You might even have the chance to win something. See you at the Promenade!