Just the facts please:
Back to Cruel III is the Kingston Derby Girls’ final, biggest, and best home bout of the year, this Saturday, September 8, at the Memorial Centre (303 York Street). Doors open at 5:30 and the whistle blows at 6:30. The first bout in this action-packed doubleheader is the league championship game, the Battle for the Boot, with the Skateful Dead facing off against the Rogue Warriors, and the second game features KDG’s Disloyalists taking on Toronto Roller Derby’s Deadly Viper Assassination Squad, the D-VAS. Enjoy a trackside beer garden and a great musical halftime show, and follow us to the Mansion for the afterparty, featuring the unforgettable Krista Muir.

What to expect
The first bout is an exciting rematch between our two home teams. The Rogue Warriors have taken the win the last two times these teams met, but the Skateful Dead’s rookie skaters have left their rookie-ness behind them and the team will be playing with a fuller roster than in previous games — both teams won their last games easily (the Rogues against Peterborough’s Jamazons and the Skateful Dead against CCDD) and both are out for league dominance in this Battle for the Boot. At stake, in addition to bragging rights, are the prized gold and silver rollerskate trophies created for the very first Back to Cruel in 2010, the first Kingston Derby Girls bout ever, which set a new Canadian roller derby attendance record that we hope to smash tomorrow.

The Rogue Warriors have made it clear they are looking for a win and are ready to take on Skateful Dead for the Boot. With so much talent on the bench, the Rogue Warriors have been an exciting team to watch grow and develop over the season. Power blockers AmandaTory Sentence, Cat O’Clysm, Box Punch, Flaming Hips, and Bad Princess, and double-/triple-threats Kimminent Danger, Nikki Heat, and Zesty Enterprise will be bringing their mad derby skills to the track. This team’s fierce determination and bench of versatile players has brought them three strong wins this season and made even their losses look like victories.

The Skateful Dead are coming into the championships in second place. However, with new faces on their roster, the Dead have more energy and vitality than a kid hopped up on candy floss at the fall fair. No-longer-so-rookie jammers Tyknee Smasher, Boney L’Ass, and (B)lackey(E) have proven themselves to be not only fiesty but also persistent and talented at getting through the pack. Rounding out the roster are talented veteran jammer/blockers Booty on Duty, Coop de Loop, and Skate at Home Mom, along with the always solid Polly Slamory. With two losses to the Rogue Warriors this season, the Skateful Dead may be coming from behind, but they are fighting and deking their way through with flare, gumption, and killer dance moves.

After the dust has settled and the league champion team has hoisted the golden boot above their heads, we will see the Toronto Roller Derby’s D-VAS take on the “dominant” (in the words of the Derby Nerd himself) Disloyalists. The Disloyalists beat the D-VAS the last time these two teams met, in Toronto’s famed Hangar, but the D-VAS have taken on some talented new transfer skaters and honed their skills, taking third place in the annual “Fresh and Furious” tournament against fourteen other teams — they’re driving in to Kingston with a win in mind. In addition to the usual Disloyalist jammer crowd favourites like LaVallee of the Dolls, Manic Breeze, and Luci Fleur, you’ll want to watch for team captains Little Orphan-Maker Annie and Angel’a Misfortune, and talented pivot Banger Management, as well as Magpie in her final KDG match — sadly, this talented, veteran jammer/blocker has recently announced her retirement. In fact, I can’t choose which Disloyalists you should look out for — they’re all pretty stellar.

Back to Cruel III features a special guest announcer, as well; we’re excited to welcome the Derby Nerd to the Limestone City. Toronto’s Derby Nerd is a Canadian roller derby icon as well as one of the leading national experts in the game. He will be on the sidelines with our usual amazing announcers, Dr. Sneaks and Jenny Juggs.

Even the reffing crew is all-star for this bout; under the leadership of KDG head ref Fraud Flintstone, and alongside our own Miss Buster and Manaconda, you’ll see penalties called by Chronic Master-Nate-Or, Scarie Antoinette, and Motorhead from the Rideau Valley Roller Girls as well as Toronto Roller Derby’s Harassin’ Ford and Reff’n Adorabelle.

This is your last chance this year to see the Kingston Derby Girls play in town: the biggest, the best, the most exciting bout of the season! Buy your tickets before they’re gone!

Doors open at 5:30. Tickets are $10 for adults in advance (before noon Saturday) at the Mansion, Get Funky, UPS, Novel Idea, Eat a Peach, Blossoms Kingston, or online. $15 at the door. Kids 10 and under are FREE.